Ties that bind

 

Its really sad and perhaps, shall I dear add- a bit pathetic, that I am not over this man.

I keep going on and on like a silly sod about Bradley this and Bradley that….

What’s a gal to do?

Well first, I need to get a grip and change my thought process as the way I’ve been copping is not working ( I still secretly dream that we are still together. Than I wake up in fear like someone has placed a pillow over my face—-could that be a sign (YAH THINK!!!!!) ).

 

 

My first call to order is to cut ties that bind.
I’ve just written him a cheque for, what is for me right now,  a massive amount. But its worth it.

Very worth it because:

A)  I owed it to him.

He helped me cover some of the funeral costs of a very dear person that passed away.

I could have paid him a  long time ago but I thought it to be disrespectful to pay him the money I’d owed him through largess that I’d received from suitors (a.k.a- escorting).  It wouldn’t have sat right with me and most of all, it would not have been the right thing to do. I am way too sentimental.

B) He thinks people are shit and they never do what they say they would.

I told him I would pay him back – and paying him back is what I’ve done.

Bradley has massive amounts of distrust for people. Not that I don’t blame him entirely but you can’t and shouldn’t live your life in that regards.

Lonely Hearts Club

Day 1 of officially proclaiming to cyberspace that I am embarking on my Getting To Know Me, Getting To Know All About Me phase, I’m going fucking bonkers!

Small changes have been made towards my “rebirth”. I have  change my look by pretty much chopping all my beautiful long locks off. I figure a new start should equal a new hair do. But the reality of my new situation is slowly becoming apparent and I don’t have a distraction.

I have no ads to tweak. No emails from potential suitors to respond to. I refrain from posting in forums ( such as HDH ) as it only makes it seem as if I am still available and not really retired–but more UTR (under the radar). I haven’t any lovers to call or to banter with aimlessly about nothing. Each time I look through Eros I actually get very fucking angry and jealous as I wonder if Bradley if fucking one of the advertiser…. Not healthy!

Than there’s this little bubble that I have created for myself —-the bubble many companions create for themselves to thinly obscure their presence from friends and family so as to not have them questioning too much about whereabouts and why they are hardly ever available for family or friend time.

I’ve unintentionally made myself invisible in a certain sense. Time to turn the lights back on.