i cheated (part 1)

I cheated on Bradley with a former client.

I cheated on Bradley with Hans.

I can’t say it was an accident and that it just happened but I re-established connection because I needed validation and closure.

Why would I need closure or validation from a Punter? My reasoning seems a bit lame and a bit illogical but at the time Bradley was being a colossal prick and extremely insensitive, so I reached out to someone I felt I could be completely honest with and who would be completely honest to me in return. Someone who would understand my feelings without judging me. Yeah, I could of called my best mate but seriously she can be lame. Ms. Best Friend is actually in an unhappy relationship and I’m supposed to take advice from her? Really!

So I give Hans a ring and we chatted a bit. He was happy to hear from me, as I knew he would be, and proceeded to inquire about my whereabouts and how I’ve been managing on. The dialog was completely rated G , absent of innuendos or sly verbiage indicating revisiting our horizontal hula past.

It was always a no strings attached relationship, hell, he was a client for a very long time but the bases of our relationship was simple-he enjoyed fucking me and he enjoyed my temporay company. I was an escape for him and he was a financial opportunity for me. After the initial attraction (sex and money) was relived we both noticed that the other was in fact human and so a sort of friendship and understanding was formed. After his sexual release was had, a platonic interaction was to follow.

We would talk about his wife, his son, his business, the weather, my unhappy relationship (before Bradley), my family, the hot new club or restaurant that recently opened…he would talk about going on a diet, his women friend, his male friends, his nanny when he was a small child, what he did during his vacation, the weather. He would reminisce about his time as a small lad growing up, the time he went skiing with this person or that person and his love for watercrafts. You get to learn a bit about someone when you’re chatting in the nude about everything and nothing.

He was not the type of John that wanted you to immediatley leave or one that turned into less of a gentleman after his release. He became as chatty as a school lassy which was refreshing and which also built another layer of comfortability to our interaction.

He never invited me out- one on one- for dancing, to dinner, walk in the park, a shopping trip or a stroll to the corner store. We had dinner one time but only because it was a double date and not for OUR personal enjoyment. Hans said he wanted to seem civilized to our guests.

The line was never blurred.

I called Hans that night because I’d been feeling unloved and unimportant and un appreciated by Bradley. I was getting bored and began reevaluating things again. This time, I bought it to Bradley’s attention and he completely shrugged me off. So I flew back to my hometown and called Han. Just to talk.

Bradley somehow had access to my online mobile account and noticed that I’d indeed had contact with Hans. Yeah, I denied it but later fessed up in an email. Needless to say, he wasn’t happy about it.

~ by nymphalidae on November 1, 2007.